A common challenge

Over the years I have mentored many technologists in the high tech industry.  It will come as no surprise most are introverted and quiet, preferring to quietly do the things they enjoy, which is to solve hard problems and learn new things constantly. At some point they start understanding that solving problems is not enough to be successful in the world.  You need to be able tell others about the problem you solved and show your solution.  Very often, to get the time and/or resources to finish solving a problem you also will need to influence others and get their support. This is very hard for most technologists because they do not have the self-confidence to present their case and gain the support of key decision makers. 

So what is self-confidence?  Do you have it? If not, how do you get it? "But I don’t want to come across as arrogant and cocky!" Correct. Self confidence is very different to arrogance, and a much more valuable and critical behavior. Nobody cares to deal with arrogant people.

Merriam-Webster defines self-confidence as follows: “confidence in oneself and in one's powers and abilities”.  The listed synonyms are: “aplomb, assurance, self-assurance, self-assuredness, self-esteem, self-trust”.  Maybe even more valuable is to look at the antonyms: “diffidence, insecurity, self-distrust, self-doubt”.

Once we look around at the successful people around us, the ones in leadership positions, the ones having the most impact in the industry, all display great self-confidence. It is vital to your success in life. No one is going to lead a team or project or solve a complex problem if they feel insecure and have self-doubt. Self-confident people are able to take risks and do the things they believe in even when others doubt and negate their idea. They admit and learn from their mistakes, are patient while others gain the understanding to see their point of view or value in a solution, and accept the eventual praise and congratulations with grace.

This latter point has often been one of the ways I measure the growth in someone I am mentoring. Usually when you start out the mentee will have tremendous difficulty in accepting complements and praise, and will frankly be embarrassed. I know, I was there too early in my career.  As they grow and build their self-confidence their graciousness grows too.  

So how do you find and grow your self-confidence?  As with most things you need to first recognize your lack of self-confidence and acknowledge that you need to build it.  

You then need to set clear goals and objectives that you can work toward.  They need to be concrete and achievable in a reasonable time frame. 

Do a critical self assessment, or work with a mentor to help you list you skills and strengths. List your achievements. You will probably be surprised at how long the list will be. Ask trusted friends what they think you are good at, what they see as your strengths. You may be surprised to find out what they say.  They may view items on your weakness list as strengths. 

Then review your goals and identify the skills, knowledge and capabilities you need to achieve your goals.  Some will be way outside your comfort zone and that is okay.  In fact, those will most likely be the most critical skills you are missing, such as networking, public speaking and working closely with others outside your personal skill realm. Once you are comfortable in the other areas of business, hold your own in conversations, and not run away when natural extroverts enter the room, you will be getting closer to the goal. 

Compare your identified skills and needed skills for gaps and opportunities to learn. Put the plan in motion to develop the skills that are missing and possibly enhance skills you already have to become even more proficient at them. 

As you grow in skills, also learn to stop the negative self-talk and self-deprecation. Build positive images of yourself. Get comfortable with those self-images. That is going to be the new you. 

Commit to your goals and regularly measure your progress. 

Building self-confidence takes time and work, but is something everybody can do, and everybody who wants to be successful must do.